Khiri: Pro-Life and Pro-Feminist

It may surprise some that Khiri identifies as both pro-life and as a feminist. But for her, the biggest feminist issues in today’s society deal with abortion and reproductive rights.

“I personally am pro-life, however, I do not think the legal aspects of that issue should be debated and decided by men,” says Khiri, who is also an active member of her Catholic church. “I feel similarly about the availability and coverage of birth control – considering that it concerns solely women, I find it astonishing how few women are making the decisions.”

Many feminists have told Khiri that her pro-life stance means that she can’t identify as a feminist. Today she disagrees, but for a long time Khiri didn’t feel the term “feminist” really fit her.

She grew up near and attended college in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a town that she describes as “incredibly liberal.” During her time at Ann Arbor’s University of Michigan,  Khiri took a Women’s Studies course which turned her off to the idea of identifying herself as a feminist.

The class was full of women striving to be the “stereotypical, man-hating feminist”, says Khiri.

“Much discussion was devoted to analyzing how men didn’t understand, respect, or deserve women,” says Khiri. “Their definition of feminism seemed very narrow and strict, and I had no interest in it.”

Once Khiri was exposed to other types of  feminists, she realized that the term itself wasn’t about being anti-male, or anti-anything.

“[Feminism] is about having the freedom to choose,” says Khiri. “To me, it is the idea that a woman’s choice to be a stay-at-home mother, a CEO or anything in between should be respected.”

Khiri chose to be a stay-at-home mother herself. She has one daughter, Cairo, who is nearly one, and is pregnant with her second child, due in early May. Becoming a stay-at-home mom was not about fulfilling traditional gender roles, says Khiri.

“Some people seem convinced that all stay-at-home moms are repressed into their roles by various societal factors. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom for the good of my child – certainly not to please my husband’s whims about having some sort of idyllic 1950s family,” says Khiri.

Khiri has a Bachelor’s degree and has fielded questions from many about her “wasted education,” she says.

“I find these questions extremely ignorant; my choice to stay home with my baby certainly doesn’t preclude me from having a career in the future,” says Khiri, whose husband’s role in United States Air Force has required their family to move three times in the past two years.

Since becoming a mother, Khiri has noticed that many women who identify as feminists judge her decisions to do, or not do, certain things when it comes to parenting. She hopes that the feminist movement will someday be more accepting.

“I’d like to see less arrogance and more compassion. Too much of the world is convinced that their way is the way and that everyone else must just be a hopeless idiot,” says Khiri. “A little less judgment and a little more unity would make any feminist movement truly unstoppable.”

Melissa: Native American feminist

Melissa has had feminist ideals for as long as she can remember. The maternal side of  her family is Native American, a culture with a strong sense of matriarchal power, and since her parents had her young, her extended family was actively involved in raising her.

 

“I grew up surrounded around resilient and positively influential women such as my grandmothers, mom and aunts,” says Melissa, who is a quarter Ojibwe and a member of the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians.

 

But it wasn’t until she began studying feminism academically that Melissa put a name to her feelings.

 

“I think the first time I truly recognized my feminist identity was in a women’s history class at Michigan State during my sophomore year,” says Melissa. “I felt like I had finally found a definition or label for all of the frustrations and feelings I had been experiencing as a female human being.”

 

Melissa, who grew up in Cheboygan and Traverse City, Michigan, received a bachelor’s degree in journalism from Michigan State University and  went on to earn a master’s degree in media studies from Wayne State University.  She continued to study feminism, focusing her thesis on First Nations female filmmakers and their portrayal of contemporary Indigenous identity and feminism. Now she is in her second year as a PhD student in cultural studies at George Mason University, working as the president of the Native American and Indigenous Alliance and a coordinator for the Global Proficiency Certificate program through the Office of International Programs and Services at the college. Her studies have expanded her view of feminism, especially in terms of how it applies to Native Americans.

 

“Many Native scholars believe that patriarchy is a Western concept that was introduced to Indigenous people through colonization and in order for tribal communities to reclaim their self-determination, they must return to traditional ways such as matrilineal societies and kinship structures,” says Melissa, who hopes to someday become a college professor and design a course curriculum on Native American cinema and Indigenous feminism.

 

Feminism can encompass not only the struggles of gender inequality, but also of sexuality, class and race, says Melissa.  Works like Betty Friedan’s “The Feminist Mystique,” don’t necessary tell the whole story.

 

“Although Friedan’s work is a huge historical moment during the women’s movement, I think that it is often a generalized view of feminism, which can be extremely complicated in terms of social class and race,” says Melissa.

 

Feminism is complicated in Melissa’s own culture. Some Native American women do not necessarily believe in the concept of feminism because they believe it has always existed. Others are more concerned with the injustice of race rather than gender, says Melissa.  For Melissa, the feminism movement has a lot of potential.

 

“For myself, the word has definitely changed throughout the years,” says Melissa. “I have begun to recognize the incredible possibilities that feminism has to offer for a variety of social inequalities.”

 

Kit: Defying Stereotypes

Kit babywearing her oldest daughter Devon

Some may call Kit  “a hippie” because she prefers cloth diapers, extended breastfeeding, wearing her children in cloth wraps and co-sleeping. Others could call her “tough” because she is a gun-owning retired Marine, who has broken or fractured every bone below her waist.

A stay-at-home Mom and a military spouse with a two-year-old, a newborn baby and plans to have more someday, some may also call her a “traditional woman.”

Yet those who know of her bisexual identity, her background in Psychology and Gender studies and her ambition to work as a sex therapist with those undergoing gender reassignment, may instead view her as “alternative.”

Perhaps she fits all of these stereotypes, or perhaps she fits none. But the one label that the  babywearing, gun-toting, future sex therapist, military wife wears proudly is that of a feminist.

“I think that today’s most important issues are all feminist issues, because they affect everyone somehow,” says Kit.

But she didn’t always feel that way.

“For a long time, it felt like feminism was a thing of the 90s, at least in it’s most recognizable form, and that they had beat it to death,” says Kit. “Until I got into the grown up world, I didn’t really think it was a big deal anymore.”

But Kit’s world view started to changed dramatically when she joined the Marine Corps in 2007.

Interested in joining the military, Kit made an appointment at the military recruitment office. Most of the recruiters for all five branches of the military were male, and Kit, a short, busty, blonde, who describes herself as more “Barbie doll then GI Jane,” spent half of her first appointment waiting on the couch because the recruiters assumed she was someone’s wife or sister.

After taking the required test, she qualified for “any job in any branch.” Even though she had already decided to become a Marine, her recruiter asked her if she was sure she was “making the right choice.” She told him she wanted to be an Amphibious Assault Vehicle Technician, and was shocked by his response.

“He laughed, and told me women weren’t allowed to be on the front lines, and to pick a “girl job,’” says Kit. “The Air Force recruiter then offered me a sizeable signing bonus and told me that the Air Force had plenty of positions for “girls who like to play with tools.’”

Kit, fuming mad, told all the recruiters that she was passionate about becoming a Marine. The recruiters, still fully not accepting her choice, asked her why.

“I very placidly said ‘Because I don’t do anything half-assed.’” says Kit.

She ended up becoming a helicopter mechanic for the Marine Corps. Although she says she doesn’t hold any grudges against any branch of the military (she later married a military officer) she is still bothered by the discrimination that took place.

“Then and to this day, it absolutely infuriates me that my genitalia could still dictate what I did for a living and what skills were allowed to shine,” says Kit.

While military gender discrimination is still an important feminist issue for Kit, a new chapter of her life has caused another passion to take front and center.

As the mother of two daughters, much of Kit’s focus is now on issues related to birth and child-rearing. She says her parenting style falls under the label of “attachment parenting,”  which means  she likes to birth naturally, nurse her kids for as long as is mutually desired, let them sleep in her bed, not give them medication, put them in cloth diapers and wear them in wraps and carriers as opposed to putting them in strollers, bouncers, or excersaucers.

Her decision to raise her children in this manner is one that is both judged and supported by feminist  identifying women, says Kit.

The choice to breastfeed for as long as her children want to and she is willing and able is a particularly controversial issues among feminists.

“Nursing has become a raging feminist issue that comes in waves because depending on which side of the fence you stand on, it is either really just another way for moms to tie themselves down and limit their interaction with the world or the flip side of it is a woman who is taking total control of her baby’s nutrition, fighting to unsexualize the breast, and normalizing the baseline for what infant and toddler nutrition should be. “

Natural birthing has also become a hot feminist topic, especially home births and water births, say Kit. She feels that the current system in place makes it very difficult for women to make their own choices about how, when and where to give birth to their children. Because her insurance does not cover home birth, Kit had no choice but to give birth in a hospital and would have been charged thousands of dollars extra if she had gone into labor “in the wrong place.”

Along with working to change those types of restrictions, for many natural birthing advocates like Kit, there is also a push for women to take back birth,  by doing things like using midwives and if they do birth in a hospital, having a written down birthing plan, to ensure their wishes will be respected.

“For a long time, most obstetricians were, and often still are, men, whereas more nurses and midwives are women,” says Kit. “One of the popular attitudes is that men didn’t understand it, so they try to medicate it and control it, and women understand it and are more likely to just let it happen.”

Kit also believes her choice to be a stay-at-home mom is a feminist decision. For her, staying at home with her kids while her husband works isn’t about conforming to traditional gender roles. Because she and her husband are equal partners, together they both made the decision that her staying home is the best for their family right now. Having that ability to mutually decide what role each parent will play, makes Kit proud to be a feminist.

“It kind of makes me think of the Rosie the Riveter poster,” says Kit.

Kit knows that not everyone will have the same views as herself when it comes to birthing and parenting and she is OK with that. But she feels that people should do their research, before deciding what they are or are not against.

“I feel like so many of the issues that we are facing as a planet and as feminists are brought on by people who didn’t read the fine print,” says Kit. “Then when laws get passed or amendments get added revoking rights instead of adding, people are appalled. The most common excuse is “Well, I didn’t know that..” Same thing with the side effects or results of certain birth choices, parenting choices, and the like. As long as people make their decisions based on discussions and research and not blindly, then I support them.”